


Power Problems

by runrarebit



Series: Misfits Moments [26]
Category: Misfits (TV 2009)
Genre: AU, Alternate Timeline, Bottom!Nathan, Immortality, M/M, Nathan the oversharer, Self-Lubrication, Simon doesn't actually show up in this fic, Some mention of consent issues and unhealthy relationships but in the background, arse powers, powers, smutless
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-06-11
Updated: 2019-06-11
Packaged: 2020-04-24 15:47:22
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,022
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/19176433
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/runrarebit/pseuds/runrarebit
Summary: Set after S03E02 and just afterNathan Versus Mortality.Seth has an obnoxious little curly haired visitor.





	Power Problems

**Author's Note:**

> Ok, so this is a bit self-indulgent, I admit it. Still, I hope you all don't mind. Thank you all, as always, for reading and for the comments and kudos!

He’s minding his own business, playing with his phone because it’s been a slow day, thinking about maybe going out for a kebab, seeing if he can run into that Kelly again— when this skinny little streak of piss with wild curly hair comes barging in past Marco and plops himself down in one of the chairs in front of him. 

Marco looks at him, wordlessly questioning if he wants the little shit kicked out. He raises a hand, let the guy be— maybe this will break his boredom. ‘You’re that powers guy, aren’t you?’ the man asks, and when he nods because yes, he is _that powers guy,_ adds, ‘I need another immortality power.’

He blinks, sure he just heard _another_ in there, but maybe he didn’t. He puts his phone back in his pocket, straightening out of his relaxed slouch back into _professional businessman_ and says, ‘I don’t have an immortality power available.’

‘Are you sure?’ the guy asks. ‘You’re not just dicking me around? Kelly says you can be kind of a prick.’

‘You know Kelly?’ he asks, trying to ignore the _”says you can be kind of a prick”_ part of the sentence. 

‘Yeah, she’s a mate,’ the guy says, ‘Now do you have one?’

‘An immortality power? I already said no,’ he sighs, ‘Is that all? You buying? You selling? Or are _you_ just dicking me around?’

‘The only thing I’m after is immortality, so—’ the man says, biting his lip and twitching, looking agitated— hopefully he’s not a fucking speed freak. That’d be all he needs.

‘Look mate, I haven’t heard anything about anyone having any immortality power, so you might have to come to terms with the fact you’re going to die one day—’ he says with something like a sympathetic smile, ‘—just maybe do it somewhere else, ok?’

‘I’m not looking for it for _me!_ ’ the skinny bloke squawks, ‘What do I need with an immortality power, I’m _already immortal._ No, I need it for Barry—’

‘Who’s Barry?’ he begins with, before realising that’s the least important part of that sentence— ‘You’re immortal? How do you know? How much do you want for it?’

‘Barry’s my boyfriend,’ the guy replies. ‘He got _stabbed_ the other night— he’s alright, but _fuck._ Scared the piss out of me.’

‘That’s—’ whatever that is, not that important, ‘But _how do you know you’re immortal?_ ’

‘People keep murdering me,’ the guy says with a sigh. ‘Not fun, I’ll tell you that— that’s why I’m not selling, if you’re going to bring it up again— Also Barry would be angry with me.’

He feels a surge of disappointment. Immortality would be a good power to have on hand, he could probably charge a hundred, two hundred grand for it. A nice little money earner— but if people keep killing this guy he can get why the guy’s not keen on losing the power. ‘I’m not going to be able to convince you to sell it to me, am I? Even if I offer you— say— _fifty grand?_ ’ he double checks.

‘Nah, sorry man,’ the guy replies. ‘Well, actually not _sorry_ — you’re sure you don’t have another immortality power just— I don’t know, squirrelled away somewhere that you’ve forgotten about? I mean, I don’t know how your power works, but one hasn’t slipped down the back of the sofa or anything?’

‘No.’

The guy makes an aggrieved noise, leaning back in the chair and groaning at the ceiling, before suddenly snapping back up straight, ‘What if I give you my number? If you run across one will you call me?’

He looks at the man sitting across from him, and not on his looks or the kind of crazy glint to his eyes, but the shitty jeans with scuffed hems and the holes he can see in the man’s t-shirt around the seams, and the thin, ratty jacket even though it’s been chilly today— ‘Even if I did have one how would you be able to pay?’

The guy shrugs, ‘Rob a bank? I don’t know, I’d work something out—’ something seems to occur to him, because he suddenly frowns, expression unfriendly, ‘Not trade though. I’m not sucking your cock and you can’t fuck me, only Barry can fuck me— I suppose I could let you watch me wank—’ the guy’s face scrunches up, saying the skinny little shit finds that idea about as appealing as he does. ‘I don’t really want to have to though, and I think Barry might kill you if he found out—’

‘I don’t want to have to watch you wank,’ he says, his own face scrunching up, ‘Fuck. Why would I want to watch you wank? You’re not exactly my type—’

‘You’re not my type either,’ the guy says, dismissive, and it actually kind of hurts his feelings a little. He doesn’t _want_ this weird, skinny little man attracted to him, he doesn’t want to fuck the guy or get the guy to suck his cock, and he really doesn’t want to have to watch the man wank— but it would be nice if the guy could at least act like the idea of wanting to fuck him wasn’t ludicrous. Like, he doesn’t think he’s a bad looking man— he’s certainly never had any complaints before. There is a pause and then the man asks, sounding a little insecure and actually making him feel a tiny bit better, ‘Is it because you think I’m ugly or is it the cock thing?’

‘I’m straight,’ he says.

‘Ah,’ the guy says, looking a bit surprised, ‘That makes you a rare duck around here— So, Kelly’s more your speed?’ the last is asked with a look that suggests the guy isn’t just curious. He wants to ask whether that means Kelly’s said something about him, suggested she might be interested— but he stops himself. 

‘Look, I’m sorry I couldn’t help you, if you leave your number with Marco I’ll give you a ring if an immortality power ever shows up—’ he won’t. He’ll get his security to lose the guy’s number immediately— there’s no way this bloke can pay— even for a shitty power, let alone _immortality_ if another one ever shows up.

Maybe it’s the way the guy sinks into himself, suddenly looking small and sad and vulnerable, maybe it’s just that this is one of Kelly’s mates, maybe it’s just that he’s getting soft— but as the guy gets up and heads out he has an idea. ‘Wait! While it’s not immortality, I do have a power that might let you do what you want to— but, firstly, I’m not a hundred percent sure it’ll work, and if it does there’s some conditions before I’ll let you have it.’

Actually, it was probably the mention of _boyfriend_ that put the idea into his head.

A few weeks ago people started coming in wanting to get rid of a specific and identical power. For the first one he’d paid two grand, but once it became clear there were more and that more was going to keep coming he’s started offering less and less— not that all of them want to get paid, quite a few of them just wanted to be rid of it— but the last one he paid for he paid twenty quid. It’s not like there’s a huge market for it, unless he manages to find a bunch of gay porn stars all after the same power—

Then a couple of days ago, a woman walks in. Mid-thirties, bubblegum pink lips, a hard look to her face. She tells him she was in that Storm, you know the one, that she’d been struck by lightning— _twice_ — and then she tells him about her boyfriend— the way he’s into anal, _only_ anal, and the way he never takes the time to prep her and always wants to do it dry and it hurts and even if she’s into it at the start she hates it by the end— and just as he’s about to tell her he doesn’t need to hear that shit she tells him that ever since she was in the Storm, ever since she was struck by the lightning, when they start messing around she’s been getting _wet_ back there— and then he’s thinking she’s another one with _that_ power, and is about to offer her maybe ten quid to get her out of his office before she says anything else he doesn’t want to hear— 

But before he can she tells him that the other thing is that everyone she knows thinks her boyfriend is _lovely_ and they keep going on about how good he is to her and how lucky she is to have someone like him— as if he’s too good for her— and how much it pisses her off, because they don’t know what he’s like behind closed doors, and they don’t know what he’s like in the sack, and she’s sick of going around feeling like someone’s been punch-fucking her arsehole all the time when she’s not even getting to _come_ — so every time someone starts in on her like she doesn’t even deserve her shitty boyfriend she ends up feeling weird the next time they touch her— like, hot and tingly, and really aware of her anus, and then there’s this _rushing_ feeling and a sensation like she’s got a static shock— and they yelp too, so it must shock them as well— and she thinks— based on the way the people in question have been acting after, and the way half of them, at least, have soon after made appointments with their GPs and started going on about bowel cancer— that maybe she’s been copying her arse related power to them.

He’d offered her a grand for her powers, in case she really did have two, and one was the power to copy other powers— what a little money spinner that would be— and taken her power— and he’d felt it, at the time, as he’d been taking it. _Two_ powers— but stuck together, so there’d be no way to give one without the other. That was the problem.

Anyway, as she’d been leaving he’d asked why she’d chosen to get rid of her power now, kind of curious at the end of such a story, and she’d given him a self-satisfied little smile and said something about some bloke at her work who loved eating pussy, and how she’d finally dumped the boyfriend.

After getting her power he’d had a talk with Marco, suggested he transfer the power into him to try out, see if they could make copies of other powers, and if it worked he’d give Marco whatever power a client bought and Marco would copy it onto the client before he took back the original— he’d even offered to pay the man ten percent of the price for every power Marco copied for him— and it had worked, and things were looking good— For a day, but the next morning Marco was in his office demanding he take the power back. 

It was the side effects, the other power, the _arse_ power that he can’t untangle from the copying power— apparently Marco found it very, very disconcerting and it had ruined a nice night in with his girlfriend and made him feel like he wasn’t a man— and for a guy with deep seated issues about being short and kind of girly-looking and baby-faced and no one taking his masculinity seriously it’d been doing his head in. So he’d had to take the power back.

Afterwards he’d thought of all the people who’d ended up in his office trying to get rid of the arse power and thought maybe he wasn’t going to have an easy time of finding someone to use the copying power for him—

This guy though, if he already has a boyfriend. ‘You and your Barry—’ he begins, only to be interrupted.

‘ _Simon,_ only _I’m_ allowed to call him Barry.’

He blinks. _Simon_ — ‘You mean you’re dating that pale bloke that showed up with Kelly and her mates when they got their new powers?’ He’d been a bit off-putting, that Simon, lurking around and watching him with _cold_ eyes, asking demanding questions, getting in his face about how much he was charging for the powers in comparison to how much he’d paid for them. And there was the fact that he was familiar— kind of like that bloke that had shown up for the power of immunity to other powers— except Simon held himself differently. More _dangerously._ Also apparently wasn’t all that interested in making _girls_ fall in love with him. 

‘ _Our_ mates,’ the guy corrects, a little resentfully. ‘Anyway, what about me and Barry?’

How the fuck are you supposed to ask who takes it up the arse in a gay relationship? What if they both do—? Well, then it won’t be a problem, he guesses. ‘Look— this power copying power comes attached to another power—’ is how he begins, then explains the whole— _arse_ — thing. Feeling his face flame up as he does. 

The guy thinks for a moment. ‘So, basically, you don’t have to waste money on lube—‘ He gives him an incredulous look, then giggles, ‘—and that’s a problem for people?’

‘Um— Well, I got the impression that it also tends to leave people a bit—’ how to put it? Oh fuck this is embarrassing. _Drug dealer_ , he reminds himself, _drug dealer_ and now _power dealer_ — he can cope with having to explain people’s uncomfortably soggy anuses to this weedy guy. ‘— _wet_ back there, after they’re turned on. Even if they don’t—’

The guy waves him off. ‘Should be fine. I’m pretty much always leaving snail trails of Barry’s spunk in all my pants anyway—’ He feels his face scrunch up in disgust at the image. ‘— So, what? You’re just going to give me this power? How do you know it works? What if it only copies the power to get wet, not any other power? I don’t think Barry will appreciate slicking up every time he’s got his fingers in me—’

‘Ok!’ he snaps. ‘Enough details about you and Barry’s sex life—’

‘ _Simon._

‘— _Simon’s_ sex life. No, I’m not just going to _give_ you the power. I’ve sort of tested it before, given it to Marco—but he couldn’t handle the— the— the _arse_ thing. It did work though, let him copy other powers. If it works for you what I’m offering is to give you the power, but not for free. Usually I’d charge—’ he has a quick think, he doesn’t want to make the price too high in case it puts the guy off, but he also doesn’t want to make the price too low because he needs the guy in his debt for long enough to milk the power for something like what it’s worth— ‘At least _fifty grand_ for it. So the deal would be that you get the power and you can use it how you like— but you have to use it for me, I’ll take five percent of what I charge for every power we copy with it off your debt— so if someone wants, say, the power to freeze any liquid and I charge them thirty grand for it, you get fifteen hundred pounds of that thirty— only instead of giving you the money, I’ll take that fifteen hundred off what you owe me until you’ve paid back the whole fifty thousand— what do you think?’

The guy sits there for a bit, actually thinking about it— for a moment he thinks maybe the guy is going to say no, but he eventually nods, but then says, ‘How about, instead of you taking the whole lot off what I owe you, you take half of it off the debt and give me the other half as cash?’

He thinks for a moment— it’d mean he’d actually have to give the guy some money, which he doesn’t really want to have to do, but on the other hand it’d keep the guy working for him for longer so he’d make a shit tonne more in the long run. ‘Alright,’ he says, ‘It’s a deal— but if you try to wriggle out of your end I’ll track you down— and I can guarantee no one will be immortal by the time I’m done with you.’

‘I need a flat _you prick_ , I’m not going to run off—’ is the guy’s response, ‘I was thinking I was going to have to actually get a job, but this sounds so much easier. Anyway, you try that and I’ll set Barry on you— shit! _Barry._ ’

‘Barry what?!’ he yelps in response to the guy’s yelp.

‘I don’t think _Simon_ will like me helping you give people powers; he’s got opinions about us being meant to have the powers we ended up with— and there was that Jesus dick— you probably shouldn’t have let him have so many, and not Alisha’s old one—’

‘You could not tell him,’ he suggests quickly. He hopes the guy doesn’t back out now— ‘And anyway, I’m being a bit more careful about who I hand what power to more recently.’ This is actually true. He likes to think of himself as a hard man, likes it enough that he’d given that guy that power when he’d shown up with the cash for it— but the whole thing had made him uncomfortable after, made it hard to sleep— and then he’d heard how the guy had been using it— Also there’s Kelly and her opinion of him to think about.

‘It probably is a good idea not to tell him—‘ the guy says with a complicated expression on his face, ‘but I’ll have to explain the whole _self-lubricating anus_ thing to him, as well as where I’m getting the money—'

He thinks, very quickly, and starts bullshitting, ‘Look, my business is expanding. I’ve got people wanting to get rid of powers, sell powers, buy powers at all hours— I’ve been thinking maybe I need a receptionist or a secretary or a personal assistant or something to keep track of who’s coming in and when, answer the phone, get rid of any time wasters— do you think your boyfriend would have a problem with you doing that for me? We can just say I gave you the arse power as a bonus— tell him that I pretty much couldn’t pay someone to take it off me and it was just crowding up the place—’

‘I don’t get that though,’ the guy interrupts him, ‘It sounds like a great power to have. Why wouldn’t you be able to get someone to—?’

‘ _Ignore that,_ ignore what _you_ think about it—’ he snaps, ‘Not everyone wants their arse getting wet every time they get a bit of a stiffy, even if _you_ do— and I’m pretty sure your boyfriend will accept it as an idea. He seemed a— _sensible_ kind of guy.’

‘So would you actually want me to be your secretary, or would this just be something we’d be telling Barry?’ the guy asks. 

He’s about to answer when something occurs to him, ‘Actually, what’s your name?’ he can’t keep thinking of the guy as _the guy_. Or anything else he’s thought of him as.

‘Nathan,’ Nathan replies. ‘Young. Nathan Young.’

On reflection his earlier bullshit is probably alarmingly accurate, he really could do with a secretary or something— ‘Do you think you’d be able to do that? Act as my secretary? You’d have to keep track of things—’

Nathan shrugs. ‘Guess so, and it’ll give me something to do while Barry’s got community service— that prick Probation Worker keeps threatening to report the fact I’m living in the Community Centre if I don’t stay away.’ Ah, no wonder he needs a flat. Kid’s homeless. 

‘Ok. Then you can be my secretary as well. I’ll even take a bonus fifty quid off your debt every day, how about that?’ He doubts the kid will be any good, but hope springs eternal— anyway, he doesn’t really have to be, he just has to be around anytime he needs to transfer a power. He can always hire on a proper secretary if this Nathan’s a disaster at it. 

Nathan agrees, and as they shake on it he transfers the coupled powers. The other man shivers, nose wrinkling up. 

Anyway, after that he calls Marco in to test it out— they’ve discussed giving the man a power he got the other week— the power to sense when someone’s about to punch you in the head, sold for twenty thousand by a young man who had decided that he’d rather have the money and use it to get away from the main reason he’d developed it in the first place— his dad— than hang around having to duck all the time— Of course it’s a power he could get a bit for, bouncers and professional boxers and the like, so he’s been reluctant to just hand it over, but if he can _copy_ it— 

He transfers the power to Nathan and tells the guy to try and isolate all his separate powers and only transfer _that_ one, unless he wants to accidentally make Marco immortal or make him get wet when he’s turned on again— in which case Nathan will probably be testing his own immortality out again really soon. The man’s face scrunches up for a bit and he mutters, ‘Ok, that feels really mental—' before he finally says, ‘I think I’ve worked it out. If it’s my immortality power I’m focussing on I kind of feel like I do when I wake up after dying, if it’s the arse thing my anus tingles, and it it’s the other one it feels like my temples are sort of throbbing or something—’

He tells the man to focus on the temple throbbing one, which Nathan does— almost going cross-eyed— and then lays a hand on Marco’s arm. There’s no glow with this power, just a flinch that seems to pass between the two men, then they’re both pulling away and rubbing at where their skins were touching. 

After a thorough round of him and Nathan attempting to punch his security in the head— Marco dodging every time— and then sending the guy off to the toilets with the order to call his girlfriend for some phone sex to make sure the arse power didn’t also get transferred— which it didn’t— they agree that Nathan should meet him back here the next morning— with a repeated round of threats about what he’ll do if the guy tries to scarper on him. 

It probably says something that the guy does actually come back, looking very pleased with himself. ‘That arse power’s weird though,’ Nathan says after copying the power to make everything taste sweet— without any added kilojoules— into a small, unassuming man who apparently works at one of the local banks.

‘Hmm,’ he hums, hoping it adequately expresses how little he wants to hear anymore details as he grabs Nathan’s arm and takes the sweetener power back— that one’s probably going to make him a pretty penny, once word gets out. 

‘Yeah, me and Barry were at it half the night and when I woke up this morning I felt like I hadn’t had anything up there at all.’ The way the guy says it suggests disappointment, but there’s no way he’s going to interrogate that any further. He does not want to know.

Anyway, other than all the oversharing— the constant, inescapable oversharing— and the sneaking off for phone sex, and the general inability not to mention his boyfriend at least once every ten minutes, and the fact he can’t remember virtually anyone’s name— though the descriptors he labels their various buyers and sellers with are worryingly apt, so he never finds himself confused— and the fact he’s a right cunt to anyone who annoys him— and sometimes just for fun—Nathan actually turns out to be a surprisingly good worker. Huh.


End file.
